"Love 'ya"

Three times in the past week I've heard people say to me, as they were taking their leave, "Love 'ya". Now, in some cosmic sense perhaps they really do love me, but I have a hunch it was more a matter of signing off a conversation, a nice way to say "See you later" or "Take care!" Just as folks will casually say "Bless you" after a sneeze, in the same vein they often blurt "Love 'ya" as they go on their way.

It's a pleasant convention, and nice enough to hear, but it got me to thinking (which by itself is often scary!): Whatever in the world, I wondered, did it mean to say "I love you" to another person? It's obviously a term of endearment, a pledge of affection, but is there anything more at stake? So I wondered, and so I came up with what those magical words really mean. Here's my translation of, "Love ya".

It means "I trust you". It means I can give you my deepest secrets and scariest dreams, and know they'll be safe. It means I can let you know what I'm really like and what I really think and who I really am, confident that you won't reject me. It means that whatever you tell me will be true even when at the time it doesn't seem like such a hot idea. I trust you, in other words, with myself.

The corollary of trust is that it means "I respect you". It means I admire what you can do and not do, even to the point of sometimes wanting to do and not do those same things myself. It means I'm happy to give you all the space you need without intruding into it. It means, that without putting you safely up on a distant pedestal, I honor you.

Perhaps most crucially for me is that it means I'm willing to die for you. Obviously that's mostly metaphorical since those opportunities don't come along very often over the course of a life, but it's a test I would make of anyone to whom I might say, "Love you". Is this a person for whom I'd actually, literally, physically, give up my life? There are some such folks, but a precious few. And the amazing thing, which I really don't understand, is that they know who they are.

So I use that little phrase very cautiously and therefore very rarely. Those are powerful words, loaded with meaning and nuance, hence I'm not often ready to casually respond, "Love you, too". Nothing personal, you understand!